Better left unsaid . . .

We learned three weeks ago that Mother has lung cancer. I knew in my heart that the diagnosis was inevitable from the moment we were told she had a mass on her lung. The evening the diagnosis was confirmed as cancer, although it was expected to be positive (she was a smoker), I was very much taken back.

Last week Mother had the PT (PET) scan to identify the type of cancer and how aggressive it has been and/or will get. Tuesday morning on my way to work, we talked about the call from the pulmonologist. She was told she has “small cell carcinoma” and the next step was to see a surgeon to determine if it is operable and if she is healthy enough to go through the surgery. Mother and I laughed together about what small cell meant, we decided it must be better than “large cell” carcinoma. (Humor is what gets us through life, through the bad times, at least in our family.)

I checked Wikipedia to find out more about “small cell carcinoma” and learned “When associated with the lung, it is some times called “oat cell carcinoma . . .” I was frozen in place, my heart stopped. My Dad died of oat cell carcinoma February 17, 1982 at age 53. He was diagnosed with the cancer January 15, 1982. Oat cell carcinoma is aggressive as is evident from my Dad’s experience.

Mother does not know as of yet that this is the same cancer Daddy had. It is our desire (my two brothers and three sisters) that she not know this. I learned tonight that Mother is scheduled to see the surgeon next week (on her birthday ???) I also learned this evening that this type of cancer is inoperable as it spreads so quickly. Timing is everything and her birthday is not the day to learn one's fate. We WILL convince my sister that the appointment needs to be rescheduled AND we will ask that the surgeon not to tell her that small cell carcinoma is “sometimes called oat cell carcinoma.”)

I believe there comes a time in a person’s life when some things are better left unsaid. Mother has been in chronic pain for the last ten years because of serious injuries sustained in an auto accident. She has overcome so many hurdles. She has been an inspiration to her doctors and all who know her for her strength and perseverance. Mother has beaten the odds. It is very doubtful that she will win this fight and it breaks my heart but it is what it is and we can only live life to the fullest with her and for her as we move forward.

Next week, August 12th, we will celebrate with Mother and our Grandmother (age 94) ~ Mother’s 75th birthday!